Twitter Account Suspended, Again

EDIT: 12 hours or so later, Twitter tells me that their careful moderation team (AKA a bunch of clueless weasels) has confirmed that I was encouraging self-harm. Either they’re all bots, they hate America, or they’re drunk on bad whiskey, but I’m up against the wall here. I have no other option but to lie and falsely admit that I’ve violated the rules and delete the tweet.

Further violations “may result in suspension.” In other words, I’m now on double-secret probation!

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EDIT: And here’s my original post…

Once again, I got that scary message: your account is locked! You have been a bad boy!

Oh god, what was this time? Did Damin get upset about my mayo slurs? Or was it Big Mint? The Reese’s Mafia?

Self-harm?

How did I encourage anyone to do self-harm?!?

I had to reread it twice before I saw what I had done. “Cut yourself some slack.” Cut yourself. Oh. Yes, if I were a dumb Twitter auto-program, I might react to “cut yourself.” You’d think Twitter could program in “except when followed by ‘some slack,’” but I guess not.

I’m challenging, of course. The last time I got suspended, it lasted for five hours. We’ll see how long this takes. Maybe forever, given staffing levels at Twitter.

It’ll give me time to contemplate life, deal with some pressing issues, like bringing peace to the Middle East, curing cancer, or doing my laundry.

Cheers, all!